This year flew

Today marks one year since we first departed to Ukraine to meet our new daughter.  I don't know what it is like to give birth, but I can imagine it is similar to the anticipation of meeting your new child in an adoption. The time before the arrival is powerful. You remember every little detail and it has the same significance as a Birthday.  It is cherished.  I will leave you with these goodies:

This

Larysa 

A photo given to us after our adoption.

This was the first visit to bond. She wanted nothing to do with us. Papa and Sasha had to take off the next day to fly back to Utah.

Spunk and confident at such a young age.

Very 1st bonding time with mama.

Who knew she was not mine? 

Loves her "Glasees"

12/13

12/26

To this:

1st week with Mama solo in Kyiv

1/26/14

2/13  after a pop/pizza bender at Chuck E. Cheese's

Sister fun

Bedtime

Sassy as usual

Discovery Museum

Dress up!

Nap time 

Sisters in style

Swimming!

Cray cray

Saltair poses

Silver lake

Papa took this.

 Petersen farm pumpkin patch

Glammy's nature trail

BFF's

Halloween

This is our girl.

All cocoon like..

I realized yesterday that I have let myself be trapped into a new routine without even realizing it.. I will let you into my thoughts for a moment. When my dad died, a part of me died as well. I have this new little being that I am absolutely in love with. My life will never be the same again. My new found love of being a mom has awaken. I have embraced this unusual me. However, yesterday I realized my mind has been in a recovery mode. It has been a blur.  Where is the corridor that meets my identity?

I am grateful of all the things I have experienced. When part of myself died, a new self sprouted. It is that simple will to bring the greatness out of yourself, and run with it.

I took the one less traveled by.

Lets rewind back to January 23rd. This was my last real day in Kiev, and I got to spend the day with my facilitator Olga, one last time. We successfully received Larissa's American Visa, and had our last celebration meal together. This day was successful, intense, and stressful all at the same time because of yesterday's events. My dad had a massive heart attack. The aftermath left him vulnerable, and dependent on a life support machine. I was told that we were supposed to wait for 24 hrs for his outcome.

Our facilitation team went above and beyond to get everything done in a quick matter to get us out of Ukraine and back to the U.S.  Delta came through with 2 ticket changes at no cost. I had only had 1.5 hrs sleep the night before. I do not know how I was even functioning today. I was ready to burst out crying at any second but waited until we were tucked in at bed that night. I kept looking at the time, and was suppose to be up in about 4 hours to be ready for an American flight scheduled for 6:30 AM.  I didn't sleep. I kept on going.  I traveled 18 hrs today solo with Larissa, by my side. I still don't know how I made this happen. Auto pilot, I suppose.

I wanted badly to go back to Donetsk. My feelings were all over the place. Did not want to go back home to see what awaited me. I got a text immediately when I arrived at the SL airport. I was suppose to meet my immediate family at the hospital my dad was at. He was taken off life support today, and was expected to leave the physical world anywhere from 1 to 3 days. I was pissed. Not at my family, but why was I robbed of the first real day back home with my daughter? to spend time with my family and introduce my little bean to the rest? to introduce her to my dad.

Thank goodness for my husband, Scott. He knew what state I was in. He drove me to the hospital. I met my mom, my Aunt (Dad's sister), and Uncle. There he was (Pausing at this moment). I asked everyone to leave as I needed to say some words to my pops. I told him how much I loved him, and thanked him for all the faith he had in me as a child, and as an adult. My hand was clasped to his. Never, did I want to let this go. I am in shock. He was taking his lasts breaths. I tell my family to come back, and we talk a minute. We notice his breathing was quiet and quickly go to his bed. All four of us are crying and telling him it is okay to go. He passed right in front of us. Everyone told me he had waited for me. He waited for me. He knew I was coming home. I hadn't seen him since Oct. 25th.

My course of life has changed in two major ways.

Larissa has brought me so much light. She has his same hair color, and I get told on a daily basis that she looks just like me. She makes a little bit of progress each day. She has came with a bit of challenges, but slowly is adjusting to her new life. She is the life of the party, and she lets you know that. She is smart as a whip. So far, she knows and uses a few English words already. Larissa absolutely adores Sasha and gets upset when She has to go to school. Sasha adores Larissa just as much, but she has regressed a little. The reality has faced her. The sharing. Oh the SHARING! Sasha sees what Larissa gets away with and adopts her behaviors. It has been whine fest 3000! but I am happy to report we have had 2 excellent days as a family in 3 weeks time. Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard by garsh it's hard!

Larissa and Sasha 

Larissa enjoying the pipes at our local park

Free thought

Being a mama, I seldom get the chance to sit down to read other adoptive parent blogs. We all have very different children that sometimes share the same experiences and yet bring unique situations to the surface. I am going to write in freestyle today. My last day in Donetsk. I do not belong here, but a new piece of me does. I have been so fortunate to meet all the folks here that has brought light to my life. Coincidence? Perhaps. Makeevka and Mariupol will never be forgotten. Friendly and welcoming. Old coal miners with seasoned faces bundled up with a lit cigarette in mouth pushing little carts to go get their groceries. Independent and proud. The border of Russia just half an hour and a half a way. This is Oblast is industry at its best. Steel and Coal.

Quiet moments and reflection.  A part of Larissa will always live here. She seems a little bit more ready today to take on an new adventure.  She misses her friends at the orphanage, and usually cries about this around nap time. I will never be able to experience her melancholy,  but am glad to be here in hopes that I can help her through it. Sometimes I silently cry with her when she is laying down just about to fall asleep. She is a true soldier.

A glimpse of hope

Yesterday,  had to the opportunity to spend some time with Larissa Pearl outside the orphanage, so we could complete the passport process. This girl of ours was a completely different soul! She handled herself in a way I didn't think was possible. There was lots of smiles exchanged, she felt comfortable to sit on and fall asleep on my lap. The holding of the hands. Who was this angel? It led me to even a deeper thought that day. I wondered if all of her behavior we had seen inside the orphanage, was her continued love and loyalty to her caregiver mommies. Maybe the lack of affection at that time was a reflection towards that as well. It makes sense. One should never over look all the factors that play into the bondage, and take the lack of personal.  I hope that makes sense. I really look forward starting my life wirh her today.

Better Days Ahead

We were able to visit Larissa today I brought my tablet with the short video I made yesterday of us, our home and her sister. We also brought our interpreter to help better communicate with her. She sat down in the corner while I played the movie as it passed I let her know who was in each picture. After the video had finished with the interpreters help I told her that we both loved her very much. I told her that Mama, Papa and Sister wanted her to come home and be a part of our family. I asked her if she was scared she nodded yes. I let her know that there was nothing to be scared of and that her Mama and Papa loved her. I could see her eyes were welling up with tears along with mine at that point I knew she understood. After that it took a few mins to process and move on, since that point she was much more open to both Samantha and I. We played with the foam blocks I would build up a wall and peek through then she would smash it down. We stacked plastic discs and tried played with other toys in the room. Before we left I crouched down and without any apprehension she gave me a hug and said goodbye.

Ouch

The last two days Samatha and I had to travel to Kiev in order to complete some required paperwork needed for travel and passport arrangements. We are now back near the orphanage and took another opportunity to visit Larissa. Today was a little tough for everyone I think Samantha and I were a little drained from traveling the day before and Larissa was distracted by other couples also in the playroom. Sam gave her a small cracker and I offered her some tea from the set Samantha brought in. I brought my phone with her and started to show her some pictures of she recognized sam as Mama. We continued to play and I decided to pick her up and fly her around the room like the last time. After setting her down she told us she needed to use the the bathroom Samantha took her to the caretaker who later came back several moments later and said that Larissa wanted us to go home. We respected her wishes and left as requested Samantha and I had dealt with this before when visiting sasha, but it is still a tough pill to swallow. I keep trying to reminding myself this is much more difficult for her than it is for us. I think we missed some visual cues last time that might have helped us make her feel more comfortable.

We are not able to visit on Sundays and we both feel like we need to better communicate our story to prepare her for Samatha's return. When we adopted Sasha, Samantha made a memory book that told the story of our family and her future trip. It showed pictures of us, our house, our pets and our extended family. We would flip through it and tell her what the pictures were about. This time we forgot to bring one so I created a slideshow we can put on the phone or tablet when we go. I decided to include pictures of Sasha when we had visited her in the orphanage. On our next visit we will try showing her the pictures and watching her more closely for any cues we need to change things up a little.

Almost There

Yesterday Samatha and I accomplished a major hurdle, we attended court and were granted our petition to adopt. As with our first there will be a waiting period and then we can begin making arrangements for preparing a passport for travel. Court is always a little emotional for us as it is close to the final point of approval in this process. I think by the end of the session we were all trying to choke back tears. I present to you our new daughter Larissa Wood she is 3 years old and has charmed us from the moment we had an opportunity to meet her.

Remember me?

Today, we attended a program put on by the orphanage the kids were all dressed up in costumes and smiles. Pearl was dressed as a princess and enjoyed hoping and twirling about when her moment had come. I couldn't help but to sustain a grin from ear to ear almost the entire time we were there. We had an opportunity to meet her shortly after the presentation our visit was met with some apprehension. I almost forgot the time and patience it took to gain trust in our first adoption. Building a relationship will move at it's own pace everyone is different and each child has there own way of dealing with change. Having empathy is so important I can only imagine that going through this is more difficult that we can see as parents. Even little things we take for granted as adults can mean so much more to a child that has so little control. To any adoptive parent building a relationship for the first time don't get discouraged, stay positive and keep trying. If something isn't working just try something else it's amazing how quickly things begin to improve when you have found something that strikes a chord.

After the program we decided to have tea and christmas dinner with our facilitator and driver at a local restaurant. Following we arrived to visit Pearl for me the 2nd visit since my last trip here. We initially tried to walk the grounds of the orphanage, but it was getting dark and she was nervous and avoiding eye contact. I think being outside was a little scary with all the outside noise and darkness. After coming back inside I watched as she started plucking the cars out of the toy bin and lining them up one by one. I started to stack sponge blocks next to her then began handing them to her. We would stack them up then she would knock them all down and grin from ear to ear. I started to slowly watch her come out of her shell and show me a little of her spicy personality. She loves sounds I thought I would try out our monkey game the one that helped break the ice with Rose. Once she had a firm grip on the phone she was not giving it up trying every combination she could find to make more noises. Someone finally suggested picking her up and flying about the room this was probably the highest point in our visit. I would say еще then she would say да or еще and I we would spin around or up and down. I was even able to sneak a hug and get a Пока! with a huge smile and wave. Tomorrow we have our court appointment and will be spending the night in Kiev to complete paperwork needed for Samatha's final trip. This is all going by so quickly I am looking forward to spending as much time visiting Miss Pearl as we can.

Merry Christmas

After a marathon day of travel I am back in Ukraine for our court date and opportunity to spend Christmas with Samantha. This past two weeks have been challenging in ways I can't even begin to explain. I will sure miss spending Christmas with Rose and the rest of our extended family. I have tried to keep the traditions alive last weekend Sasha and I setup the tree, I have been reading her a christmas story each night from the cannon of christmas provided by Glammy. Still there is something special about watching the excitement in your children as they unwrap and explore the magic of Christmas while it can still be heard. Sasha and I wrote a letter to santa last week her request was a humble one, it read simply "Santa I would like a Nest". I think I may have even caught a glimpse of him before we flew into the soup of fog covering the airport. With all of the challenges I really enjoyed spending time with Sasha she never ceases to surprise me as I spot glimmers of her personality begin to shine. While we are celebrating it in different places and in different ways I have come to truly appreciate the gift of family and friends. Picking up and spending time with Sasha, helping to feed the animals, a ride to the airport, donations and even just a shoulder to cry on. Your gifts are worth more than any gift card, gadget or present under a tree. Merry Christmas and thank you for helping us make this journey a reality.

P.S.
Santa left me a note about the nest on our tree last night one of the elves found out and wanted to help out. Because the request was something special you may not see it wrapped under a tree just yet but be patient a wonderful surprise is on the way.

Friday Dec 20

My stay in Ukraine has been a comfortable one.  My driver and translator have gone out of their way to make sure that I have what I need. I don't know if I said this before, but this region has welcomed me with open arms. 

When visiting Pearl's orphanage,  there is only one playroom and it is shared. You come in contact with other parents, biological or adoptive,  and other family members.  Mostly native. I cannot express how interesting it is! I have met one American couple, 2 sets of new native Ukrainian adoptive parents, and one grandparent and great-grandparent of the same bloodline. All have been so friendly, and always offer my prospective child confyeti(Candy).  Even know that the caregivers say they get fed 5 times a day all of us parents joke that may not always hold true by how our kids react to offering them food. You hear and see them eat in just seconds! We also take turns watching out for the caregivers so none of us get into trouble while one of oir kids gobble a cookie, or sucks down their juice. 

Yesterday was St. Nicholas day in Ukraine. I got to watch how Pearl's orphanage celebrates this traditional holiday. The kids dress in cute costumes and dance and celebrate the arrival of St. Nicholas. Although I did not understand most of the Russian dialog, the program included cameo appearances from Straganoma with 2 little helpers, A big bear and hunter, and sweet angels. At the end, St. Nicholas made his presence and the children were offered gifts from his sack. Locals as well as city officials come to watch this program, and make charitable contributions to the Orphanage. 

Scott will reunite with me next Tuesday as we await our upcoming court date. Sasha will stay behind with her grandparents. As sad as I am to not spend Christmas with my special girl, she will have fun and in good hands! I bought a christmas tree to make my apartment more festive. This is my first purchase of a real tree! It smells so lovely in here. I will be making authentic kompot a Eastern Europe drink that is made in different variations. Mine will be made with boiling fruit that have hints of smokiness. I usually put a cinnamon stick and cloves so it doesn't taste to camp-firy, but that is the taste Scott likes.

 

One week in

Let the slow process of bonding begin. There was a little glimpse of hope when I saw a crack in the ice appear. Before she came to the play room I heard a care giver speak to her in Russian, "Who's here?" She happily responded with, "Mama." Bahh!! :3 She is silly, clever, sassy, and most of all, a tease.  Certain caregivers have been teaching her colors in English. She likes this game where mama and her stick this colored button on a game board, say the color of the button in Russian, and follow up with the English name. It is so cute to hear, and absolutely melts my heart. I was able to get her to say colors throughout our playdate with the help of candy. King of all negotiations.  Progress is being made :)

Orphanage bound

Somehow our last update got erased. Mobile blogs are complicated and at certain times not so user friendly. Here we go. I am completely random in thought and use freestyle writing as an advantage.  Last week, we had a successful SDA appt and travelled to the location to where the orphanage is. After a full month of hurdles, we have met the one who was chosen for us. I will use the name Pearl until we gain custody of her.  Pearl is cute as ever, and so sweet. She has always wanted a papa and lit up the first time she locked eyes with him. Sasha didn't quite know how to interact with her.  Both girls like the idea of a sister, but when mixing two shy girls nothing happens. We will give it some time. Only having two visits with Pearl, Scott and Sasha had to return to the  States. They both had exceeded their one month limit of excused time off.
    
     I stayed behind to bond with Pearl. The first week is always the hardest.  I have been given info hearsay that genetically,  Ukrainian girls are always daddy's girls. I am not sure that always holds true at first, but in this case I might.  I have got her to smile, talk with the help of a treat, play, but so far has a hard time with affection. That is ok. You can't rush that. I have learned with Sasha that patience is key.

     I miss my family and friends back home but in good hands here. Scott has been a champion as a single dad. He has been my rock as well. I cannot think of a better husband to share this journey with.

Any News?

November 10th

December 1st

From the date that sam and I had arrived we have witnessed the latest events grow from a small gathering to over 100,000 people flooding the city. We have had a unique perspective having stayed across the street from city hall where the first protests began. To just steps away from St. Michaels Monastery just days before the influx of people began to arrive. Earlier this week we found ourselves amidst the masses when visiting a local park for Sasha to play. It has been a little surreal to see the same landscape we have only recently become familiar with as a backdrop for world news stories. Last week we moved from the apartment across from St. Michaels to a smaller one further away from the action, although still within earshot of the concussion grenades last night. We are safe and continuing to wait as our paperwork completes the process. The saying that every adoption is different is certainly ringing true for us. Our first trip I realize just how very fortunate we were to have been able to spend so much time with Sasha prior to coming home. While we all may not get that opportunity with this adoption I am hopeful we will get the opportunity soon.

All I want for christmas is...

Yesterday was a cause for celebration Sasha lost her first tooth she has been tugging and wiggling for weeks. Technically this is her second tooth, but this is the first one she had pulled all on her own. There seems to be a right of passage when you pull your first tooth I had long forgotten. She is growing up so quickly it seems like such a short time ago we were writing daily updates about some new breakthrough we had together at the orphanage. While we have not had an opportunity to meet our new addition as of yet; this trip has certainly brought us closer together with Sasha. Thank you everyone for helping to make this possible, happy thanksgiving.

3 little pigs

Sam had probably mentioned that we had an opportunity to meet a family friend. She teaches english here in and took time to give us a true Kiev experience we will never forget. We started at the children's puppet show. For those of you in Utah imagine a building like the Capital Theater dedicated to puppet shows for children. Natalia had been at a conference earlier and mentioned it to some english speaking colleagues who were also interested in watching the performance.

The building was surrounded by bronze sculptures of childhood stories. Inside was a room filled with many of the puppets used in the performance. A royal throne room complete with everything needed to run a royal court. And a aquarium that ran almost the full length of the building full of fish and other freshwater creatures. The performance was delightful despite Sasha was engaged and joined in on every opportunity to participate.

Family time

We certainly have been busy while waiting for our next SDA appt.  Yesterday, we were introduced to a lady who is a mom of a friend of Scott's brother.Ha! I got a chuckle after typing that. She had wrote down a list of family fun activites that we could choose from, and was our tour guide for the day. We decided on the Kyiv Zoo(Which I really don't recommend this time of year, but Sasha had her heart set on it), and the experimental science museum for kids. That museum was cool. It is a fun way to introduce leverage, lazers, and optical illusions with mirrors. While all the girls were enjoying being a kid at heart, Scott went to the Chernobyl Museum.  He reports that it was interesting it really put a human face  on the disaster.  Each person that died was marked in the exhibit.  It also had various art exhibits dedicated to the human cost of nucleur power.
     We had a blast, and I am pretty sure she did as well.

Moving forward

Patience and flexibility are necessary with any adoption.   Our first one was perfect. We were told it was a model adoption.  Our current one  hasn't been so fortunate. We have encountered a twist of which we're not at liberty to go into detail. We know that we are here for someone. While waiting for our needed addendum,  we decided to travel to Crimea for the weekend. With Russia being close to it's borders, I am curious if it somehow parallels the lifestyle. We were lucky to visit a cafe that spoke moderate English as we found out most on this peninsula speak only Russian.
    I have had questions about how Sasha is handling all of this. I am happy to report that she is handling all of this like a trooper. She was pretty whiny the first week, but has been flexible with all the change. She honestly thinks this is one big field trip. We are trying to create a structured day for her so there is time for school work, and a time for play. That has really helped. We have a deck of number cards and I have been teaching her games such as war and go fish. She has been thoroughly enjoying the play time together.
    With the wait of the addendum, it has put a delay in our process. Hopefully, sometime along the duration it will balance out. If I can help it, I would like to stay for this whole trip. I am not sure if that is possible just as of yet. I may take 2 trips. Scott will definitely have to make two. Please pray for us as we move forward in the right direction,  and that we get another SDA appt before Scott and Sasha have to leave next Saturday.

SDA appt

Today, we unexpectedly hit a road block while at our SDA appt. which resulted in a needed addendum for our home study. At the time of our home study we were heading to Ukraine with a blind referral. After completion, We were notified about a child with a minor need that wasn't listed on our home study. We were  taken aback about this immediate hurdle, but I was in the right place at the right time and my social worker got a new addendum started. Boom! Just like that. Done. Meets SDA criteria. Traveling by DHL tomorrow. I can teeter on how I didn't care for today and the mellow drama, or I can thank God and my angels for the extra support they have given us thus far. I think I will stick with the latter part. Anyhow, we are moving forward.

Kreshchatic Street

We are all suffering from jet lag, but making the best use of time. Sashi awoke with a hot forehead and all I could think was poor little bee. I went to the apothecary and had called K, beautiful Russian friend extraordinaire, in America to translate a simple sentence to the store clerk. One simple sentence. I didn't learn this one. Anyhow, we got it handled. I walked out with Children's Ibuprofen,  and the easy to read thermometer. It sounds as if Sashi is coming down with a cold.  Her temperature lowered, and she requested to go to a park that we had discussed the night before. We all needed to get out and decided to take a walk up Kreshatic street. It is a major street in Kyiv.

We took her to the park. While we were there,  some grandparents and their cute little grand daughter decided to join us. Even know we spoke 2 different languages, they made an effort to communicate with us the best they could. Their granddaughter really wanted to play with Sasha and was interacting with her. Sasha just froze and isolated herself. No one made a big deal out of it which was the best approach we could have taken.
We left the park and went to European square. There are all sorts of vendors selling Ukrainian souvenirs. It is fun tourist attraction. We got talked into taking a picture with birds . I don't know when the last picture we had as a family was. Tomorrow we get to talk with our facilitator about our upcoming SDA appt on Tuesday. The SDA appt is where we will talk about our prospective child, and have a brief interview. Time for a nap.