This year flew

Today marks one year since we first departed to Ukraine to meet our new daughter.  I don't know what it is like to give birth, but I can imagine it is similar to the anticipation of meeting your new child in an adoption. The time before the arrival is powerful. You remember every little detail and it has the same significance as a Birthday.  It is cherished.  I will leave you with these goodies:

This

Larysa 

A photo given to us after our adoption.

This was the first visit to bond. She wanted nothing to do with us. Papa and Sasha had to take off the next day to fly back to Utah.

Spunk and confident at such a young age.

Very 1st bonding time with mama.

Who knew she was not mine? 

Loves her "Glasees"

12/13

12/26

To this:

1st week with Mama solo in Kyiv

1/26/14

2/13  after a pop/pizza bender at Chuck E. Cheese's

Sister fun

Bedtime

Sassy as usual

Discovery Museum

Dress up!

Nap time 

Sisters in style

Swimming!

Cray cray

Saltair poses

Silver lake

Papa took this.

 Petersen farm pumpkin patch

Glammy's nature trail

BFF's

Halloween

This is our girl.

All cocoon like..

I realized yesterday that I have let myself be trapped into a new routine without even realizing it.. I will let you into my thoughts for a moment. When my dad died, a part of me died as well. I have this new little being that I am absolutely in love with. My life will never be the same again. My new found love of being a mom has awaken. I have embraced this unusual me. However, yesterday I realized my mind has been in a recovery mode. It has been a blur.  Where is the corridor that meets my identity?

I am grateful of all the things I have experienced. When part of myself died, a new self sprouted. It is that simple will to bring the greatness out of yourself, and run with it.

I took the one less traveled by.

Lets rewind back to January 23rd. This was my last real day in Kiev, and I got to spend the day with my facilitator Olga, one last time. We successfully received Larissa's American Visa, and had our last celebration meal together. This day was successful, intense, and stressful all at the same time because of yesterday's events. My dad had a massive heart attack. The aftermath left him vulnerable, and dependent on a life support machine. I was told that we were supposed to wait for 24 hrs for his outcome.

Our facilitation team went above and beyond to get everything done in a quick matter to get us out of Ukraine and back to the U.S.  Delta came through with 2 ticket changes at no cost. I had only had 1.5 hrs sleep the night before. I do not know how I was even functioning today. I was ready to burst out crying at any second but waited until we were tucked in at bed that night. I kept looking at the time, and was suppose to be up in about 4 hours to be ready for an American flight scheduled for 6:30 AM.  I didn't sleep. I kept on going.  I traveled 18 hrs today solo with Larissa, by my side. I still don't know how I made this happen. Auto pilot, I suppose.

I wanted badly to go back to Donetsk. My feelings were all over the place. Did not want to go back home to see what awaited me. I got a text immediately when I arrived at the SL airport. I was suppose to meet my immediate family at the hospital my dad was at. He was taken off life support today, and was expected to leave the physical world anywhere from 1 to 3 days. I was pissed. Not at my family, but why was I robbed of the first real day back home with my daughter? to spend time with my family and introduce my little bean to the rest? to introduce her to my dad.

Thank goodness for my husband, Scott. He knew what state I was in. He drove me to the hospital. I met my mom, my Aunt (Dad's sister), and Uncle. There he was (Pausing at this moment). I asked everyone to leave as I needed to say some words to my pops. I told him how much I loved him, and thanked him for all the faith he had in me as a child, and as an adult. My hand was clasped to his. Never, did I want to let this go. I am in shock. He was taking his lasts breaths. I tell my family to come back, and we talk a minute. We notice his breathing was quiet and quickly go to his bed. All four of us are crying and telling him it is okay to go. He passed right in front of us. Everyone told me he had waited for me. He waited for me. He knew I was coming home. I hadn't seen him since Oct. 25th.

My course of life has changed in two major ways.

Larissa has brought me so much light. She has his same hair color, and I get told on a daily basis that she looks just like me. She makes a little bit of progress each day. She has came with a bit of challenges, but slowly is adjusting to her new life. She is the life of the party, and she lets you know that. She is smart as a whip. So far, she knows and uses a few English words already. Larissa absolutely adores Sasha and gets upset when She has to go to school. Sasha adores Larissa just as much, but she has regressed a little. The reality has faced her. The sharing. Oh the SHARING! Sasha sees what Larissa gets away with and adopts her behaviors. It has been whine fest 3000! but I am happy to report we have had 2 excellent days as a family in 3 weeks time. Inch by inch, life is a cinch. Yard by yard by garsh it's hard!

Larissa and Sasha 

Larissa enjoying the pipes at our local park

Free thought

Being a mama, I seldom get the chance to sit down to read other adoptive parent blogs. We all have very different children that sometimes share the same experiences and yet bring unique situations to the surface. I am going to write in freestyle today. My last day in Donetsk. I do not belong here, but a new piece of me does. I have been so fortunate to meet all the folks here that has brought light to my life. Coincidence? Perhaps. Makeevka and Mariupol will never be forgotten. Friendly and welcoming. Old coal miners with seasoned faces bundled up with a lit cigarette in mouth pushing little carts to go get their groceries. Independent and proud. The border of Russia just half an hour and a half a way. This is Oblast is industry at its best. Steel and Coal.

Quiet moments and reflection.  A part of Larissa will always live here. She seems a little bit more ready today to take on an new adventure.  She misses her friends at the orphanage, and usually cries about this around nap time. I will never be able to experience her melancholy,  but am glad to be here in hopes that I can help her through it. Sometimes I silently cry with her when she is laying down just about to fall asleep. She is a true soldier.

A glimpse of hope

Yesterday,  had to the opportunity to spend some time with Larissa Pearl outside the orphanage, so we could complete the passport process. This girl of ours was a completely different soul! She handled herself in a way I didn't think was possible. There was lots of smiles exchanged, she felt comfortable to sit on and fall asleep on my lap. The holding of the hands. Who was this angel? It led me to even a deeper thought that day. I wondered if all of her behavior we had seen inside the orphanage, was her continued love and loyalty to her caregiver mommies. Maybe the lack of affection at that time was a reflection towards that as well. It makes sense. One should never over look all the factors that play into the bondage, and take the lack of personal.  I hope that makes sense. I really look forward starting my life wirh her today.