What is the feeling  that comes to your mind when your child smiles at you for the first time?  or combs through your hair with their little hands, or acknowledges you as mama?  tonight all of this happened to me, and their aren't words that really can express this awesome feeling of accomplishment. As we spoke in our earlier post, the Nintendo DSI was a hit.  We brought that along for tonights visit as well.  I also introduced her to my IPOD. Which had all kinds of uplifting music for kids, and the grown-up alike.  I put the headphones on her, and turned it on. I let her listen while she played DSI with papa.  She then felt comfortable enough to start playing with all the buttons on both gadgets. YES! her kid is coming out! what 3 year old doesn't like buttons? I gave her my wedding ring, she tried it on, and then was shaking it back and forth, moving the floating diamond. Papa and her were teasing each other with the ring. I then took the ring and teased her with it, and got a smile.    She had fun playing with the ipod and changing all the songs, and turning up the volume. She looked up when she put a Wonder pet song on, and I gave her a goofy look-another smile. I had to keep on turning the Volume down.  Papa had noticed she put the ipod on hold song. He tried to get it back but she wouldn't let him have it, and screamed, MAMA!!! Oh my, another stubborn one to add to the mix :D Our visit came to an end, and it was time to give hugs. I picked her up swung her in circles, and tickled her stomach. She gave us hugs, then I walked her to the common area, she independently waved bye with the a wide grin, and said Paka.

Очень хорошо

Today we had a breakthrough when she entered the room she was in tears, the caregiver quickly pulled out some games and let us know we should start talking more and in English. Sam had brought her Nintendo DSI with us this time so we decided to give it a try. This turned out to be the best thing we have done so far. Sam began teaching her how to play the games, she stopped crying and started interacting not only with the game but both of us as well. I held the console while she navigated the games with the stylus/pen. She particularly loved the games that traced the letters of the alphabet, compose music and dress up animals. During the session Sam and I both gave her praise in both English and Russian. Time quickly passed and it was time to go she took my hand to get up and gave Sam an open armed hug. This was the first time she reached out to us and a moment we will both remember.

Cheberuska

Last night I got some advice from a friend that has been through the Ukrainian adoption process. She I believe, was meant to be in our life. We emailed back and forth, and was blessed with some really good advice. As new parents it is sometimes frustrating when every attempt you try to build a relationship with your child, fails. Adoption is hard, none of it is easy, and none will probably be. I do believe however, that it will be worth it. Every adopted child acts differently in the "First"meetings, and ours have been intense but purely a blessing in disguise. Our little girl is extremely smart, shy, and very cute. It breaks our heart to see in her eyes that she is having a difficult time with the change that surrounds her. We get to see all the emotions unfold as she is engaged into the grieving process, and cultural differences. Their is a silver lining though, and with this thought I will talk about tonights visit. We decided to let her move at her own pace, and not try so hard to have her interact with every little game we play together. I decided to bring my laptop, and DVD of Cheberuska(Russian show for kids). At the beginning of the visit a caregiver told her about how she was going to go on a plane to America, and how she is going to have a great time. Insert meltdown here________. In a way I am happy they are preparing her for this new life, but ideally I wish she could move at her own pace. I immediately put on Cheberuska, put her in my lap, and she stopped sobbing. We then watched Cheberuska together as a family. Papa and I then played puzzles afterwards and let her be. She did watch us carefully. I then brought out the game we had all done earlier together(Which she did with us in the earlier visit!), and started to put the pieces back into the container to which it belonged. She was holding the container to help me, and I quickly praised her for doing so. Towards the end of the visit I was able to make eye contact with her, and I spoke in Russian," Tomorrow Sasha?" she wanted to speak, and mumbled words softly(This is a great sign). She then let me walk her back to the common room hand in hand, where all the children were playing. I then said Paka(short goodbye), and she smiled and said the same. I tell you what, it melts your heart when progress is seen. Even in small amounts.

~Sammy

не бойся

Last night's session was a little rough but it ended with some unexpected positive turns. We arrived with our translator to speak with the the staff. We both wanted to get a better idea of activities and things we were allowed to bring into the orphanage. We found out that she likes dolls and is not quite ready to color. We also found that she likes stamps and the caregiver showed us a picture that our daughter made.

We arrived feeling that we were better prepared with some new activities. We brought some Legos and remembered one of our phones. On our first visit she seemed like she enjoyed feeding the fish on my phone wallpaper. The caregiver also brought out some Juice and bread as a snack. I think it was a little too much after awhile she started to cry. I picked her up and held her and kept telling her in Russian that it will be Ok and not to be afraid. Sam went to get some more tissue, the caregiver noticing we were having a moment came out and immediately started to cheer everyone up. Another little boy came out with her and began playing with the Legos and stickers we found. The caregiver put some lipstick on her and we all finished the bag of animal cookies Sam brought.

Seeing her in tears was difficult for us both this is new territory for all of us. Although it was difficult it is normal and actually good behavior for the transition.

хорошо

We had our second visit today we brought a coloring book and some crayons. When she came out Sam had asked her in Russian if she was OK and she responded very quietly. We colored for about 20 minutes she held the crayon and she sat on Sam's lap while we colored. Sam and I switched later and she sat on my lap and held my hand with her tiny fingers. We introduced our selves as Mama and Papa and told her that we loved her.

Later in the session Sam went to get a tissue from one of the staff members to wipe Alex's nose. She had to enter the room where all of the other children were playing. After entering the room I heard several of the other children ask her if she was mama. It was difficult for both of us to hear, each one of those kids deserve someone to love them like a son or a daughter.  It was soon time for Alex's lunch time, and nap. When we went to say our goodbyes, Alex waved her hand at us and spoke the word Paka(Bye).

We Accept

Today we packed up and started our journey from Kiev. During our travels we were pulled over while leaving the gas station. After some heated discussion with the police we were allowed to continue on our way without issue. Finally we arrived at the orphanage around 10AM we reviewed the paper work and medical conditions. We were then allowed see our prospective daughter.

It took only a few minuets but we both knew this was right. She has grown a bit since our original picture. She is quiet and shy, but I think given the circumstances it's a normal reaction. We were only able to spend a short period of time with each other but it was enough. Sam and I both officially accepted her as our daughter. We can now begin the legal process to finalize the adoption.

From this point forward we will be able to visit her twice a day for short periods of time. This will continue until the legal proceedings are completed. Sam and I both plan on making the most of it as possible. We are not able to post pictures or her name until the legal proceedings have completed. Sam and I will try to keep everyone up to date on our progress over this and next week..

Tour of the city

I woke up early this morning and had breakfast in the apartment. Sam decided to clean and do some laundry before we travle to the city where the orphanage is located. I decided to go for a walk and see some of the sites. I also wanted to get a pre paid sim card for my phone being the geek that I am. This has been my first expierence as an outsider in a culture. It has been a humbling expierence relying on the kindness of strangers to communicate. Everyone has been very kind and tolerant of the stupid american trying to get through the kacca.